Adios Diva Walker

YOU GUESSED IT! This diva is engaged. Engaged to a wonderful, talented, intelligent, good looking, and incredible man. Cameron, say hello to countless nights of hearing the diva complain about not having any ice cream in the freezer, how I can’t fit into my booty-licious jeans, and that it’s too hot in the apartment. Nonetheless, I love you and I’m excited to spend forever with you. But more importantly…

Today I found out something horrid, something repulsive, something quite embarrassing. The following statement asks for parental supervision.

I, Madison Walker (soon to be Aki), have been running the wrong way all of my life.

It all started with a lovely day at the gym. I couldn’t help but notice what perfect running form Cam has on the treadmill…it’s both disgusting and dazzling. He looks like a gazelle gliding across a flat mountain. I looked in the mirror across the way and noticed something awry about my form. Never being able to pick it out, I veered my sight away from the mirror and kept it glued to his reflection instead. I remember years and years ago when I started running, I found that it was easier to run without putting unneeded weight on the balls of my feet, giving my calves the break they deserved.

Madds, can I tell you something? You run…weird.

Hmm…I’ve always been one to take constructive criticism well, considering that I’ve been in dance and music classes all of my life, but this didn’t sit well with me. Well? Cam? How do you mean that? He told me that he noticed a very loud bang with every step on the treadmill. He examined my feet a little closer and found that I land on my heels first…like a dang speed walker. He also told me that my arms move around as if I were jump roping and asked I’d ever taking track. ME?! TRACK?! hahahahahaha chyyeeah right. The closest to a sport I did in high school was powderpuff football, and that was only a week long. He showed me the exaggerating exercises they had to do in high school and I couldn’t even mimic them. I did nail the butt kicks, but other than that, I still looked like Grandma Whilhelmina in her new walking shoes.

Uhh…try not to run like there’s a stick in your butt.

Yeah…impossible. Running hurts. I might as well have a stick up my butt.

It’s supposed to be natural, easy, effortless.

Effortless?! Please! Running is the worst pain I’ve ever given myself. It is anything but easy.

You’re a dancer! You’re supposed to do everything on the balls of your feet.

THAT’S why I feel so bad about myself. I even wondered why no one ever told me about this. How come my college running buddies never gave me this critique? (manda, kels, liss)

After 30 minutes of running drills in the parking lot, we seemed to make some progress…that is, after I started feeling sorry for myself and ultimately embarrassed for how I’ve been running for the past seven years. I guess now that I’m changing my last name to Aki, I can’t keep running like a speed “Walker”.

Amazing work by my cousin Mikael Monson.


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